Feature

What campus location are you?
By Malorie Hill

Our campus is as unique as the students who inhabit it. Take this quiz to find out what campus location best reflects your college persona.

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It’s a sunny day on campus. What are you doing?
A. Sleeping off that Mad Dog hangover.
B. Sunbathing by the Mill Stream.
C. Sunbathing by The Mill Stream…in Birkenstocks.
D. Burning ants with a magnifying glass.
E. Complaining about the weather.
F. What is this “sun” you speak of?

Do you like anime?
A. Love me some “Dragon Ball Z.”
B. Cartoons are gross.
C. I love their new album.
D. My favorite anime is “Death Note.”
E. Does “Sailor Moon” count?
F. Fuck yeah, I’m a weeaboo.

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What’s your favorite drink?
A. Beer. With a shot of Red Bull.
B. Chai lattes.
C. London Fog…with a shot of Red Bull.
D. Milk.
E. Coffee, black like my lungs.
F. Code Red Mountain Dew.

It is Friday night—what song are you turning up to?
A. My friend’s freshly dropped mixtape.
B. “Blank Space” by Taylor Swift.
C. A metal cover of “Blank Space” by Taylor Swift.
D. “Creep” by Radiohead.
E. “I was running. Through. The streets. With my WOEs.”
F. Code Red by Mountain Dew.

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What would your frenemies say about you?
A. “They’re chill. I find that annoying.”
B. “She thinks she’s Taylor Swift.”
C. “Their blog is just OK…”
D. Nothing. (I only have enemies.)
E. “Just buy your own pack!”
F. “They’re not even good… they’re only a bronze on LoL.”

What kind of phone do you have?
A. Samsung Galaxy.
B. iPhone 6 Plus.
C. iPhone.
D. Motorola Razr.
E. I lost my phone.
F. Android.

What’s your favorite meal at Goudy?
A. Pizza.
B. Wraps.
C. Anything quinoa.
D. Water.
E. Waffles.
F. Tenders and fries.

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What is your preferred social media outlet?
A. Facebook.
B. Instagram.
C. Tumblr.
D. 4chan.
E. Twitter.
F. Reddit.

Campus Safety raids your room. What do they find?
A. Bong.
B. Candles/incense.
C. Hemp.
D. Dead body.
E. Ashtray.
F. Snacks?

What is the last show you binge watched on Netflix?
A. “Breaking Bad.”
B. “Gilmore Girls.”
C. “Friends.”
D. “American Horror Story.”
E. “Obsessed.”
F. “Battlestar Galactica.”

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A: If you answered mostly A, then you are Matt third. You have probably already skipped at least a week’s worth of classes and you can not wait ‘til spring break. Half of the Campus Safety Report is about you and your friends.

B: If you answered mostly B, then you are the Mill Stream. When the sun comes out in early February, you are ready to tan and play volleyball with your pals. You probably spend too much time on your phone and know what filters make your volleyball tanlines look best.

C: If you answered mostly C, then you are The Bistro. You are a trendsetter (or at least you think you are) and love pretending that you are doing work when really you are just a social over-caffeinator.

D: If you answered mostly D, then you are the bathrooms in Smullin/Walton basement. You probably do not like people much and prefer your own company. Some people may think you are pretty creepy. You are, but hey, do your thing.

E: If you answered mostly E, then you are the smoker circle. We are concerned for your health. Drop that death-stick and befriend some quinoa fanatics.

F: If you answered mostly F, then you are the second floor computer lab in Ford. You are a gamer, a computer science major, or probably both. You have not seen natural light in a while, but that is only because you are dedicated and are one of the few on campus with a future. Go you!

mahill@willamette.edu