Home2016-2017The Red Onion: Scientists discover new gender pronouns on Mars

The Red Onion: Scientists discover new gender pronouns on Mars

By Mason Kelliher
Staff Writer

NASA scientists searching for life on the red planet got more than they bargained for yesterday when they stumbled upon three new gender pronouns.

The discovery was made just after 2:00 a.m. PST by the team working on the Mars rover mission. It has been reported that the rover found the new pronouns embedded deep in the Martian soil while searching for liquid water.

In a press conference the head of NASA’s curiosity mission told reporters about their exciting findings.

“Naturally, there was a bit of shock at mission control we when we got the first reports back from the rover. But once we ran some tests and confirmed that these new pronouns were legitimate there was just this big party. I would put it up there with the moon landings,” he said.

The job for the scientists at NASA now is to name the pronouns.

“Well, all the obvious ones are taken like he, she, ze/zie and (f)ae so we are looking at some new one like pe/e, po/o, and fa/rt,” the head of the Intergalactic Gender Naming Department said in a statement.

A non-binary student shared their take on the discovery.

“I’m really excited because I have never been able to find a gender pronoun that fits me. There’s only a couple million online so having these three new ones gives me a new hope. Currently I’m using the fa/rt pronouns,” fa said.

NASA’s CEO has already announced plans for a new expedition to Mars with the sole purpose of discovering new gender pronouns.

“Our top scientists didn’t believe that there could be more gender pronouns out there so we have to keep searching. Forget life on other planets, this is the new frontier. If there are more pronouns on Mars, imagine what other weird stuff could be out there,” he said.

 

mpkelliher@willamette.edu

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