Disclaimer: The Devil’s Advocate is a satirical column that does not reflect the views or opinions of The Collegian. The Collegian and columnist do not recommend the advice and are not responsible for its consequences if acted on.
How do I pass? (Up to you to interpret what type of passing I mean)
-Troy Bolton (HSM)
If you’re looking to make a pass at a potential romantic partner — just do it. Be blunt. You’ll probably be rejected, but the pain of knowing is usually worth the knowledge. If you’re trying to pass a class (although you could try the previous kind of pass to accomplish this one), you should spend an excess of time plugging potential grades into your Canvas grades page. This will let you know what your grade would’ve been if you’d spent that time working. Following this, you should make a to-do list of everything you have ahead of you. This will overwhelm you to the point that you will pass out — thus achieving a third kind of pass — and render you unable to worry about passing your class until you wake.
How can I avoid my ex on campus? I actually cannot deal with this right now.
-Someone’s ex
You should mail them brochures for other universities unceasingly until one of the alternative options is so tantalizing they can’t help but transfer there. If this fails, you should get someone to convince them to dye their hair bright yellow. This will serve as a beacon that will alert you to their presence before they are close, allowing you to make a quick escape.
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