Members of the LGBTQ+ community have always faced isolation due to discrimination, and the United States is in a particularly precarious time in this regard. While all queer identities face unique challenges, there are particularly problematic conditions that lead trans women and transfeminine non-binary people into a self-inflicted solitude. A unique combination of social and psychological conditions makes it difficult for many transfeminine people to get the support they need, including within the Willamette community.
Social anxiety is more of a problem than ever in the age of the internet, especially when dealing with the opposite sex, but it must be acknowledged cis men and cis women experience two very different kinds of social anxiety. While cis men often fear being perceived as dangerous, creepy, obsessed with sex, or generally coming off as one of “those” men, cis women often fear actual violence and abuse, whether it is physical, verbal or sexual. Transgender women face both of these anxieties simultaneously, the degree of each depending on how far they are in their transition. Should college transfems be lucky enough to be on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) by their sophomore year, they are put in the worst of both worlds during one of the most hectic periods of their lives.
To leave one’s dorm while presenting masculine is to leave the dorm wearing a metaphorical mask, one that disconnects you from the people around you and makes conversations feel awkward, fake and generally pointless. To leave one’s dorm presenting feminine is to receive the worst of both worlds, treated with the same mistrust as a cis man while facing the same level of danger as a cis woman. Or at least that’s how it can feel.
Out of all the places in the world, one would think a progressive-leaning university would be a place where members of this isolated population can find their people. But colleges, especially smaller colleges like Willamette, tend to be somewhat cliquey in nature, and transgender women don’t really fit in most of these cliques. Most isolating is the athletic side of the campus, where extroversion and hypermasculinity are largely the norm and queer identities are often treated like jokes, even by those who aren’t consciously homophobic.
On the other end, woman-dominated spaces tend to be even more intimidating for trans women. These feelings partially stem from the constant transphobic rhetoric about trans women supposedly trying to “infiltrate” these spaces for malicious purposes, and partially from the perpetual dysphoria and “otherness” it can cause when a trans woman realizes just how far “behind” she is compared to others in terms of knowledge in makeup, variety in clothing and other factors. Even more queer-friendly communities on campus seem to have very few transfeminine people, with much of the queer presence being cis gay people or transmasculine people.
The million-dollar question is whether this isolation college trans women feel is the fault of these communities for not being adequately supportive enough. The fact of the matter is that while a lot of conscious and subconscious discrimination against trans women exists, this same discrimination exists against other marginalized groups who still tend to have an easier time finding close friends and communities. Many of the aforementioned factors keeping trans women stuck inside their dorms aren’t a product of these communities actively trying to keep trans women out, but rather a product of social anxiety, learned helplessness and self-inflicted seclusion on the part of trans women themselves. This isn’t their fault — it is a product of a viciously transphobic and patriarchal society on a micro and macro scale, conditioning trans women to put up walls and keep secrets and avoid strangers. But there is only so much other communities can do to try to make trans women comfortable and sociable. Some effort has to be on trans women —- perhaps an unfair amount of effort, considering their uniquely challenging circumstances, which compound on and exemplify the same problems faced by every other young adult. But all we can do in the face of injustice is do whatever we can to mitigate it.
So what can be done to mitigate it? Well, on the part of non-transfems, simply properly gendering us does a lot. For one, while generally you shouldn’t assume genders and it’s rarely a bad thing to ask someone’s pronouns, it’s definitely a good idea to double-check if the person has long scalp hair paired with little to no facial hair.
And do not, under any circumstances, compare them to Kurt Kobain, David Bowie, or some other rock star with long hair. We have heard it before.
As for transgender women, and really anyone in a similar situation, you have to force yourself to get out of your dorms. Stay on top of your transition, and don’t let helplessness set in. Most importantly, GO TO CLUBS. TEXT PEOPLE BACK. MEET UP WITH FRIENDS. Do not make excuses to keep yourself locked inside like Rapunzel. There are people who hate you, and there are people who fear you, but they are a vocal minority. Your identidy’s validity is not predicated on anyone else’s perception of you. Don’t let anyone or anything convince you otherwise.
The future is terrifying, and the present is a slow crawl to a theoretical finish line. In the modern age, especially for college students, it's easier than ever to trap yourself in a prison of your own making … and it’s easy to forget what makes it all worth it. Making new friends and hanging out with close friends are the best ways to remind yourself. Most importantly, it’s important to be kind to ourselves, and remind ourselves that it’s not our fault we’re scared.
It isn’t our fault, but it is our responsibility.
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